It was one of my favorite kinds of days in South Georgia on the farm. The impenetrable humidity and heat was minutes from intermission as the smell of relief danced on the horizon. Rain. A southern summer is only as easy as the liquid sunshine that soothes it. And we were about to be soothed. My dad came bounding in the house, home a little early from work. He was as excited as a child on Christmas morning. The peanuts were ready to be picked.
We had to move fast before the monsoon caught up with us. Armed with a half dozen large buckets, we hopped in his Jeep Wrangler and drove to the field across from the house. As he shuffled through a stack of cds to determine our soundtrack, he teased that perhaps I had been in California too long and didn’t remember how to get my hands dirty. I teased back, as if he had directly challenged me… not a chance.
It was decided. James Taylor.
My dad and I have always been two peas in a pod. James Taylor, animals, impromptu dance parties, warm hugs. He was my basketball coach, my chauffeur, my music buddy, my hairstylist, my finder of lost things, and my literal life-savior on one occasion where I thought it would be ”fun” to open the truck door while it was barreling down the road… sans seatbelt. He would drive me to voice lessons in Thomasville, two hours and fifteen minutes EACH WAY. We filled up the time playing games like “Name That Song,” where we took turns naming the song that came on the radio. If you answered correctly, you’d get a point. If you could name the artist, you’d get a bonus point. My husband always marvels (Lie. He is always totally annoyed.) at my ability to know the words to every song that comes on the radio. I owe it all to my dad and the endless hours we spent in the truck playing our favorite game. My dad took my sister and I to school every morning. If we were running late, he would often get stuck with hair duty. And I would often get stuck looking like a small animal had buried itself in my mane while I slept. My personal favorite was his ponytail look – three to six ponytails sticking out of my head because he couldn’t get all the hair into one rubber band. In all honesty, I was ahead of my time (See: Gwen Stefani circa 1995). He made the best vegetable soup and homemade French fries. He was my favorite dance partner at school dances. He read to me every night before bed. And he did all of these things while working six-day weeks. My dad always made time for the things that mattered, the moments like this…
As Fire and Rain started, the two of us went to work on those peanuts, swiftly and without conversation. We just softly sang to ourselves. Our hands dug into the earth, rescuing the peanuts from the ground, tossing them into buckets. Thunder barked in the distance, awakening me from my harvesting zone. I looked up. The light blue sky, beautifully juxtaposed with the dark clouds that were rolling in. I could literally hear my heart whisper…
Don’t let this moment pass you by, Nikki. Etch it into your soul.
You’ve Got a Friend began to play. This was our song. This and Joy to the World (The one by Three Dog Night. Not the Christmas carol. Duh.).
When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand, And nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
I took in the sky as if I was painting it. You don’t get this kind of sky in Los Angeles. The trees, the crops, the grass. So bright, so alive. It’s like God created a special shade of green just for this place. I silently prayed it would remain hidden forever.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there. To brighten up even your darkest nights.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the smells of rain and Georgia soil as if it was the last time I’d get to smell it. Home. I could feel the dirt under my nails. Cali girl my ass, I smirked.
You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I’ll come running, to see you again. Winter, spring, summer, or fall, All you got to do is call and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah. You’ve got a friend.
I turned to my dad as lightening threatened, “Hey dad. I love you.” And just like he’s done a million and one times – exact same lilt, exact same tone, exact same tenderness, “I love you too, Nik.”
If the sky above you, should turn dark and full of clouds. And that old north wind should begin to blow . Keep your head together and call my name out loud now…Soon I’ll be knocking upon your door.
The rain finally caught up to us. We hauled our buckets of peanuts into the Jeep and then hauled ass to the house. In the movie version of this, my dad would be played by Gene Hackman, Mississippi Burning days. I would play myself. That is until the studio demanded we hire a “name actress” for international distribution. Sandra Bullock, circa Hope Floats, would then replace me. David and Nikki (Gene and Sandra) would be laughing and screaming as they barreled towards the house through the blankets of rain. Can you see it? Every father- daughter in the world (remember…international release) would watch, equal parts jealousy and enchantment. And yet, the movie version wouldn’t hold a candle to the real thing. This very real moment with my dad. A moment that I did, indeed, etch into my soul. A moment that I can only pray stays with me until I take my last breath.
I’m sure by now you’re wondering where I’m going with this blast down my awesome redneck past. I’m sharing this with you because its Alzheimer’s & Brain Awareness Month, and because my dad is one of the 5.7 million Americans living with Alzheimer’s and dementia. To get specific, Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia, the most common type actually, and every 65 seconds someone in the U.S. develops it. At 62, my dad was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of dementia called Pick’s Disease. In the last six months, he has forgotten my children. He has forgotten that he even has this inhumane disease. He has forgotten that he was my basketball coach. He has forgotten “Name That Song.” And he has most certainly forgotten our perfect afternoon picking peanuts with James Taylor.
It’s all gone.
After dealing with not one but two life and death situations this year, I feel like I’ve paid some dues in the exquisite, yet often excruciating pilgrimage called life, and this is what my heart whispers to you.
Don’t let the moments of your life pass you by.
Every minute matters. I don’t know how much time I have left with my dad, but I know it’s not a lot. Every minute matters. When I was home recently, I took every chance to just touch him. Put my arm around him. Lay my head on his shoulders. Kiss his cheek. Every minute matters. Bennett’s life was saved, and I get to see him slide across my kitchen floor in his walker, shove puffs into his mouth by the handful, and then break into a smile – a smile I often think could finally bring about world peace. Every minute matters. Before Hudson even buckles his seatbelt in the car, he has already planned out his song list. We rock out. And I am reminded that I am building a memory for him- just like my dad did for me. Every minute matters.
Sow yourselves into the present, knowing that the threads will one day come undone. The sound of rain. Ladybugs. The way your dad is always happy to hear your voice when you call. The smell of your grandmother. Peonies. The way your mom gets so giggly after a glass of wine. The way you collapse into your husband’s arms at the end of the day and think to yourself, “He must have been made specifically for me.” For heaven’s sake, a sunset on the North Shore of Hawaii. The way your baby smiles. The way your toddler rocks out. The love. The heart explosive, burst into tears because it’s just all just too damn beautiful, love. A version of this is near you or with you everyday. Do not let the moments of your life pass you by.
Recently, my husband surprised me for Mother’s Day with James Taylor tickets at The Hollywood Bowl. The second I heard his voice, the tears began to stream. My dad and I had always dreamed of going together. In my imagination, it went a little something like this. We would softly sing every lyric. When You’ve Got A Friend came on, I would wrap my arm around his arm and lay my head on his shoulder. The second How Sweet It Is trumpeted, we would stand up and boogie. We had let that moment pass us by. It was too late, now. So, I just sat there…sobbing. My poor husband. He hates when I cry in public because he assumes everyone thinks he is the one making me cry. But this time (this one time), he simply held my hand and let me cry. And then, my heart. It whispered again…
Don’t let this moment pass you by.
I quickly sowed myself into the present and began to softly sing every lyric. When How Sweet It Is started, my husband and I rose from our seats and boogied. As James closed with You Got a Friend, I wrapped my arm around my husband, laid my head on his shoulder, and didn’t let that moment pass me by. Even though I didn’t get to share that dream with my dad, I truly feel like I honored him by living it for the both of us. He was there. He was there in the singing, in the dancing. He was there because he is forever etched into my soul.
You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am. I’ll come running, oh yes I will, to see you again. Winter, spring, summer, or fall…All you got to do is call and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’ve got a friend.
I love you, Dad. Thank you so much for always being my friend.
41 Comments
Oh Nikki! You could not have written a more perfect tribute to your sweet Daddy. .Having just lost my Daddy this past Sunday to dementia, your words danced through my heart! I pray others reading this will savor every memory they can with their loved ones. It can be taken away so quickly. Your Daddy loves you so much. What precious memories you have to treasure.
I love you baby girl! ❤️
My Precious South Georgia Nikki….. I sit here reading and sobbing out loud and struggling to read your words! At age 67 my Mother passed away with Alzheimer’s and also her mother passed away at age 67 now my Aunt is in Baptist Village at age 68 with Alzheimer’s. It goes further back than that in the family. I understand your pain and I pray you will continue to keep every Memory etched into your soul. You certainly have one of the BEST Daddy’s. Love You and your entire family Bunches!!
I love you and your family Nikki. I did not know David had been diagnoised and i will be keeping you all uplifted in prayer. Your mom and dad are amazing people who have raised amazing children. I loved your grand dad Mr Mac he and your grandmother Mrs Mary were some of my best customers back in the late 80s early 90s when i cleaned their cars at my car wash every friday. You are a remarkable person. Keep those precious memories tucked away they along with God will get you thru the remainding days and years of your life. Stay strong. You are special to him im sure and even tho he can outwordly remember i feel he remembers on the inside. Love to you all…Rose Hayes Blacksher Ga (now Valdosta Ga)
That was beautiful! It really touched my heart, such wonderful memories. God bless you and your family, Nikki.
Beautiful tribute to your Dad….a kind, gentle man I have known my whole life beginning in Patterson. James Taylor also moves my Soul. Love and prayers!
Awesome read…yep your dad a good man!!!!! Prayers and best wishes always to you and your family…y’all have always been very special in my life
Absolutely Beautiful Nikki. Thank you for sharing.
This was awesome. Working in LTC in Blackshear Ga i have seen so many families watch their loved ones fade away. I absolutely love working with these families and this article sums up the love and compassion thses families have. I have been a shoulder many times at Pierce County Nursing Home for families and even for Nikki’s family while taking care of her grandparents. I can’t tell you the pain these familes go through. This is why i do what i do. Providing comfort for my residents who don’t even recognize their own reflection and their families. Loved this article.
Beautiful! Thank you for the reminder!
David has always been special. In my 40+ years of teaching, he is one of the top 3. He had all the qualities that a teacher wished all students had – kindness, compassion, desire to excel, dedication, etc. David will always be special to me and all who are fortunate have been
associated with him!
I love your story. We have always loved James Taylor music too. Seen him many times in concert and Betsy went with me. My kids love the music that we listen too. I’m 63 now and have seen the effects of dimentia in my mom before her death. Your relationship with your dad is very special and my prayer is you will have more time with him to share with your children your wonderful dad. Your writing is so good. Really enjoyed your story even tho I am crying while writing this! God bless you all! Clara Tapley
Nikki, this is so beautiful!!! The memories of your Dad will be with you forever. I didn’t get to make a lot of memories with our daughter Lisa before she died at 26, but the memories that I have I will cherish forever. Thank you so much for telling your story, it really makes me stop and think how really short life is and we need to make the most of every moment. Steve and I miss seeing you when you come home,but we think of you often. Love, Steve & Earlene Carter
Beautifully written! This is priceless and glad you have the memories!
Your dad sold a truck or two to the company where I was employed. He was ever so friendly all the times of visiting the office!!! He even told me about you on several of those trips, he was very proud of you. My mother had dementia and it was so hard to watch the later memories go away!!! Take care and I watch your Halmark movies!!!
Tears are running down my face and I have a lump in my throat right now. What a very touching story, what a special dad you have.
This touches me so much. My husband took me to see James Taylor on May 22nd in Kansas City where we live. I love his music.
My dad passed away in November 2013. He loved Neil Diamond, I was lucky enough to take him to a concert. I will never forget that. I lost my mom last year to dementia. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story about you and your dad.
Happy Father’s Day to your dad.
Such a beautiful tribute to your daddy. A good reminder to savor the mundane moments of life, because those moments are what really matter. God bless you and your family during this time.
Priceless and so well written – I just called my Dad – thanks to your beautiful post. And now I’ve got to go re-do my makeup!! Love you, Rachel
Whew. From one JT loving women whose Dad had dementia to another, thanks for this.
I have cried that ugly cry through the whole story about your Dad. I dealt with it with my Grandma Gates and it was just heart breaking. She was a womans libber before womens lib was even thought about. My Grandpa died at a very young age and my Grandma drove all over the US pulling there camper and exploring the US alone. When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s it was devastating to see her lose her gypsy soul and have to stay in one place. My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you enter this journey with your dad. Rejoice in the good days and tuck those memories in your heart for the not so good days .
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad & my prayers are with you. I don’t know which is worse, losing a parent suddenly or watching them disappear slowly before your eyes. I’ve endured both as I’ve lost both of my parents. Mama had Parkinson’s & it was aggressive as well. Cruel in its own way like dementia. Your words touched my heart so much. It seems like only yesterday that he was picking you up from Mama & Papa Sloan’s. You have an amazing Dad as well as Mother. It breaks my heart anyone has to know this pain. Thank you for not only reminding everyone to cherish those they love but to also cherish our own lives. Many of us struggle with living while trying to cope & deal with our own pain. Much love to you & your family. The beauty of being from a small Georgia town is we are all here for you in any way you need. Don’t be afraid to Kean on us when you need to. 🙏🏼💕
A beautiful tribute to your Dad and an important message to us all. Thank you, Nikki.
A beautiful tribute to your father. Our family was also affected by Alzheimers so I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
A beautiful, moving tribute Nikki. A reminder to cherish every moment in life. Thank you for sharing your story.
A beautiful, moving tribute Nikki. A reminder to cherish every moment. Thank you for sharing your story.
Nikkie – This is so very beautiful and beautifully written. My Dad, thank God, did not suffer with this terrible disease, but my husband, Wray, did. It is a terrible disease. So as you so beautifully put it, cherish every moment. store every memory so that when the day comes that they don’t remember, you still do.
Thank you for sharing!
Nikki, this is such a sweet tribute to your Daddy. He has always been my special cousin. We have shared so many good times together and I love him with all my heart. It is so hard to watch this terrible disease. He has always been so proud of you, LeAnne, and Brett. Thank you for sharing this story with us!!!!! Love you so much!!!!
Beautifully written! A wonderful tribute to your dad and your roots! I enjoyed reading this! Cant’t wait to read more! :).
Nikki – thank you for sharing this beautiful story of you and your father. I know, from experience, these are hard stories to share but somewhat healing when you do. My paternal grandmother suffered 10 years from Parkinson’s disease and the last three years a rare form of dementia caused from the lack of oxygen to the brain from the Parkinson’s. Her 7 siblings also all suffered from Alzheimer’s, MS, Dementia and so on. It is not an easy process to watch and go through but know that you are not alone. Taking in those moments are, as you said, so precious. Every time I watch a Shirley Temple movie it takes me back to watching those with my grandma. While it brings me to tears almost every time it brings back so many special memories of times that it was just my grandma and I watching those together. While near the end of her life she didn’t remember the importance of those movies I would still put them on and remember for the both of us. Love and prayers to you and your family during this time and never hesitate to reach out for a listening ear. There are people who will simply just sit and listen when or if you need it.
Nikki- God blessed you with an amazing up bringing and parents to get you where you are today, now you have a new journey to help your daddy – like telling him a story about a good Christian family, what an amazing gift you have and I’m proud to call you all my friends. You are all in my prayers daily. You are very special Nikki!!!!
Such a beautiful tribute to your Dad,prayers for him
Oh my goodness! Growing up in the same town, on a farm, I also know this feeling!! Very beautifully written. I’m so sorry about your dad. But, you have a lasting memory of your dad that many people wish they had. Thank you for sharing this and putting LIFE in perspective. Always know, you’ve got a friend-whether here or in Heaven- in your sweet daddy.
What a beautiful tribute to your dad. My dad is a few years older than him but grew up in Blackshear and knew your family. My dad was diagnosed with Parkibsons at the young age of 48 and now at 64 he is beginning to see the progression of this disease! We think we have all the time in the world but when these diseases take over our loved ones, we realize just how much time we really do have. Thanks for reminding us to never take a day for granted. Prayers for your father and your family!
Oh sweet Nikki, this is a real tear jerker..I love your family and am so sad to hear about this. Mr. David always had the sweetest spirit and was always so kind to everyone. I just can’t believe this is happening to him. I’ll be praying for all of you ❤️❤️ This was a beautiful tribute to him and your Georgia roots😊
Nikki, my dad 2 1/2 years ago from dementia. I saw him forget everything except his sence of humor until the end. My mom, husband and kids cherish those moments we remember. I cry at some of the weird things because they remind me of my dad. Its a awful disease that took a strong, brillant, funny, loving man to a man that knew nothing, but hugging…which was awesome. Your letter was great and so right. Savor todays!
Nikki, I lost my dad to Picks disease 5 years ago. Your words are so thought provoking….. I wish I had spent more time with my dad, especially at the end… you never get that time back. Hold on to the memories girl.
Beautiful, just beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart and precious love for your amazing dad. Reading this touched me and reminded me to appreciate each and every moment with my dad and my mom, too.
Nick, that was beautiful. I didn’t know but how could I. I love you and your family from afar. God bless you and Ryan and the amazing family I’d hoped and kinda knew you’d be together. God bless the tiny 2! Love to see you smile like you do.
Beautiful!!!
Nikki-
What an exquisitely written tribute to your truly wonderful Dad! You honored not only him but all who have suffered the loss of family members to these horrific, dementia – related diseases . It is truly devastating to helplessly sit by and witness a loved one being robbed of their unique essence.
It is so easy to think we have all the time in the world! As another famous Georgia farm girl once said,, “ I can’t think about that now. or I’ll go crazy if I do. I’ll worry about that tomorrow…..after all tomorrow is another day”. But will we have another day? Will tomorrow come? Truly, one just never knows. All we really have is this very moment. Your reminder for us to live in the moment, to savor it for ourselves and those whose lives we touch, could not be more poignant.
Truly the greatest honor to those who gave us precious, special memories that helped shape who we are today is (just as you said) ,pay it forward.— Creating wonderful memories with our children, grandchildren and god-willing our great-grandchildren. And there is the hope that someday soon- we will ALL holdfast to our wonderful memories .With god’s grace, Alzheimer’s CAN become something people USED to get.
Though you brought so many of us to tears, thank you for sharing your very personal and loving tribute to your Dad. He has a wonderful daughter and such a loving family in all of you. I’m sure, no matter what, he will always know that and take great comfort from it.
Always holding you all in thought and prayer. Hope you’re seizing this very moment and making special Fourth of July memories for young and old alike!!!!
Just read this. Thank you for this beautiful telling of your beautiful life. I have come very close to losing my husband this year, and my Dad passed 4 years ago. It has been a long hard 4 years. I am grateful for each minute with my husband. Your words touched my heart.
Your dad is only a few years older than me. I am going to Austin, Texas tomorrow to spend Christmas with my Dad, and the rest of my family. My Dad is my hero. I am so sorry that you are going through this. This touched my heart. Bless you. Bless your sweet Daddy, and your family.